Sweet Pete

Above: Peter always has extra baggage to take to the car.

So, sometimes it is such a pain to get out of the house. I'm not saying that I don't want to get out or that the boys wouldn't appreciate an outing. But sometimes simply getting out of the door is so hard to do!

Peter is a master at many things. One of the things he is a master of is stalling. He uses this particularly to avoid going to bed for naps and at night.

So, the other day, we had just finished dinner and I figured that if we moved quickly, I could take the boys to the park for a half an hour or so before going to my Mom's house for a visit. Well, we never made it to the park. It took about 30 minutes longer to get out of the house than originally planned because of Peter.

After finally getting the boys dressed and double-checking the diaper bag, Peter showed me some things he wanted to take on our short trip. This is a guy who is going to have a hard time when he realizes in the end that "you can't take it with you."

He had more things than he could carry, so I gave him a reusable grocery bag to put his things in. This of course just made him realize that he could bring more of his things now because the bag could hold a lot more than his two hands could. He told me that he had forgotten his blanket, so I told him to go get it. He ran to his room--taking his bag with him, of course. He was taking a lot longer than he should have to simply get his blanket and come back. I immediately knew why this was. He was filling his bag with more things. I went into his room to see what was going on and he was filling his bag with books. I told him "Peter, you can only put one more book into the bag and then it is time for us to go." He said "No. Nine books." I said "If we bring nine books, the bag will be too heavy and you won't be able to carry it. I can't carry your bag because I have Jonathan, my purse, and the diaper bag to carry." He said "No! Nine!" I said "Jonathan and I will have to go to the car by ourselves then. Bye!"

We started walking away and I heard Peter start crying in desperation. I heard him say "Help! Heavy!" I returned to him to see him trying to lift the heavy bag in frustration. His little body--strong though he may be for how old he is--could not lift that bag of books. But it was so important to him.

So, in the end, of course I carried Jonathan (in the baby carrier), the diaper bag, and my purse...in addition to the little grocery bag full of books and toys. It wasn't too heavy for me (though it was cumbersome with all of the other things I was carrying)...but it was too much of a burden for him.

It makes you wonder how often we overload our emotional/spiritual/mental bags with things that are so important for us to carry for one reason or another until the bag is too heavy for us to lift on our own. Sometimes these loads may seem silly or unimportant to others (and even to ourselves in hindsight).

I think one personal example that I have of this was on Peter's first birthday. We had only been living with our in-laws for a few months (and now, thank goodness, we only have a few months left to go!). I shop and cook for my in-laws while we live with them as a way to help out. But, especially after such a short period of time, I still didn't feel quite at home. I didn't feel comfortable using their kitchen at any time. It was the night before Peter's first birthday and I wanted to make him a birthday cake. I didn't want to bake the cake until my in-laws went to bed because the kitchen and the living room are connected and I didn't want to disturb them while they were relaxing and enjoying their evening.

My in-laws went to bed...except for my brother-in-law and his girlfriend who unexpectedly dropped by for a visit. They decided to watch a movie on the couch in the living room--which is adjacent to the kitchen...making it really uncomfortable for me to go up there to make a cake. I mean, I would be puttering around and making noise in the kitchen at 11 p.m. while my brother-in-law was essentially on a date with his girlfriend in the same room. I felt too uncomfortable to do that. I couldn't bake the cake the next day because of our schedule either.

But at the same time, I couldn't let go of my desire to make my son a birthday cake for his first birthday. It made me pretty emotional. And I'm not going to lie...there was some crying and gnashing of teeth! Jeremiah offered to go upstairs and kick his brother and his girlfriend out so I could make the cake. I refused that offer, of course. That wouldn't have been fair to them. Plus, it would have made me look like a witch!

Instead, I hovered around downstairs waiting for my chance. I ended up baking that cake that night from 1:30 a.m. to 2:30 a.m. in the morning. It was late and I was tired, but I felt so lighthearted, peaceful, and comforted when I was baking that cake and especially when it was finished. I actually had a lot of fun making that cake and I felt very happy.

Now, in the grand scheme of things, was it really that important for me to have baked a cake for Peter's first birthday? He wouldn't have been heartbroken and he doesn't remember it at all. But it was important to me. And if I were put in that situation again, it still would be important to me. It's about tradition and showing love to my son.

The same thing was true for Peter's little bag. He feels comforted by having some of the things he loves with him when we go other places.

I am very grateful that I have a loving Father in Heaven who understands that even when something might seem silly in the grand scheme of things, if it is important to me, He helps me with it and understands why I feel the way I do.

I was able to lift Peter's bag and help him carry a burden that was too heavy for him to bear. The Lord helped me lift my own burden too. I had hoped to have a home of my own at that point to bake a cake for my son whenever I wanted to. That wasn't possible at the time. It was hard, but the Lord helped me by giving me the energy to complete the task that was so important to me and by lifting the burden off my heart while I did it.

As I look back and see Peter's little body tearfully struggling to lift that bag full of books, it makes me smile and ache for him. Do I think it was silly of him? No. It makes for a funny story, that's for sure, but it wasn't silly of him.

It was important to him...so it was important to me.