New Perspectives

Peter used to absolutely hate tummy time. This was because he felt so powerless since he couldn't do a whole lot besides struggle to keep his face off of the floor. Now, however, Peter is able to hold himself up with his arms (and he can do it a lot higher off the floor than this picture shows).

The other day, Peter was propping himself up with his arms and trying to play with his froggy rattle at the same time. His new frustration is that he can't multi-task and prop himself up while simultaneously playing with his rattle the way he wants to. He actually does very well...but it's not what he wants. His goals are much grander than he can currently accomplish.

While I sat there watching him play, I thought about how much I loved him, how much stronger he was getting each day, how well he was handling his rattle while propping himself up and how he would be doing so much more before he even knew it. This current frustration of his will not be a frustration for too much longer. He'll progress and find new challenges he'll need to conquer. He makes me so proud each day with the new things he learns, accomplishes and overcomes.

Strangely enough, it made my mind flash back to one of my own memories...my first vocal recital. It wasn't really even a vocal recital. It was me singing at one of my piano recitals. At the time, I loved to sing...privately. I was only 12 and the thought of singing for anyone absolutely petrified me. The only reason I even did it was because my Mom bribed me with a Phantom of the Opera book (which contained the play libretto) which I desperately wanted.

I remember standing up there, shaking in fear and faintly squeeking out my song ("Beauty and the Beast"). Oh, and I realize that I am definitely dating myself with the Phantom and Beauty and the Beast references. I doubt if anyone past the first row heard me at all for how quietly I sang. At the time, I thought that was a good thing. I was bitterly disappointed in my performance. I remember holding back the tears until I got home. I was so afraid while I was singing and afterward, I was so frustrated that I hadn't done better. All I could think of was what I did wrong here and how I messed up there. Looking back, I think I did pretty well considering the circumstances and while I sang quite well for a 12 year old, I still had an awful lot to learn about singing at that point.

But the great thing about looking back is that it compresses time. Looking forward often seems so daunting because you look at years and years of voice lessons and hours and hours of practice within those years in order to accomplish ones' goals. But looking back gives you perspective. I could think about all of the lessons and hours of practice, but they didn't seem so looooooong. It's more like looking at things in fast motion. You can see much more in one glance when you look back. Through the lessons and practice, I was able to conquer my fears of vocal recitals and singing in public. I have also learned an awful lot about singing over that time.

Now, what do these two things (my experience compared to Peter's) have to do with one another? After my mind flashed back to my first vocal recital while I was watching Peter play with his rattle, it occurred to me that during my recital, Heavenly Father was probably watching me the same way I was currently watching my baby Peter. I'm sure He was watching me and thinking about how much He loved me. I'm sure He was proud of me for going out of my comfort zone. I'm sure He was pleased with how well I did for how much I knew at the time. Finally, I know that He, with His infinite wisdom and perspective, knew that I would conquer those fears and perfect my voice to such an extent that it would be a source of joy to me and a tool to serve Him by singing for others.

My eyes teared up as I realized this. I felt so loved by my Heavenly Father. It is amazing that through my stewardship of this sweet little human being that the Lord would find even more ways to show His love for me. Everything on this earth is only a shadow of what is to come later. The love and pride I felt for Peter was just a small sampling of the love and pride that the Lord feels for me, for Peter and for each of us.