Parental Readiness Barometer

Above is a picture of my little barometer.




Above is a picture displaying a mood of my baby that forces an individual's parental readiness to display itself.


I love to study human nature. I find that you can learn a lot about people by watching their reactions to situations. Some scenarios for people watching are no-brainers, but some come unexpectedly.

One example of a no-brainer people watching scenario was when I was waiting for someone at the mall one time. I selected a bench and sat down to wait. This particular bench happened to be right next to a jewelry store. During the course of my wait, I got to examine three very different types of couples. Couple number one consisted of a young man and a young woman. The young woman was ecstatic and kept happily pointing at some rather large diamond rings. The young man had the most obviously scared deer-in-the-headlights expression I have ever seen. The young lady was completely oblivious to the anxiety she was causing her significant other. Couple number two consisted of a mid-twenties couple where the guy was doing the pointing and gesturing and the girl, though looking very pleased, also looked very demure and shy. They seemed very much in love, and they had a very different type of relationship than the first couple. Couple number three was in their thirties and they were definitely on the same page. They were both happily looking at rings and pointing excitedly. They were both very outgoing. It was quite fun for me to sit and wait and watch these three very different couples.

Another people watching experience (less expected this time) came to me while I was in college on a Valentine's Day. I was not dating anyone. My very sweet friend, Alyssa, who was happily dating her future husband decided to get me a pretty little Valentine's flower. I'm not sure if she was doing it simply to be a good friend or because when you're in a happy relationship, you tend to wish that everyone was too and since I wasn't, the flower was meant as a source of comfort to me. I got to see some very interesting examples of human nature as I carried that flower around campus that day. Example number one: the guys who forgot it was Valentine's Day. As I was walking around, a number of guys would glance at my flower without really seeing it and then they would do a double take as their eyes widened in horror as they realized that it was Valentine's Day and they had forgotten...now what would they get their special someone as a gift and how would they cover the fact that they forgot? Example number two: girls who love flowers. A number of girls would look at the flower I was holding and brighten up because it was obvious that they simply loved to look at flowers and other pretty things. Example number three: jealous girls. I was probably the most surprised to see a number of girls give me some genuinely snotty and jealous looks. It was as if they were saying "How come she has a special someone who is giving her flowers on Valentine's Day and I don't? I'm cuter than she is!" I wanted to say in my defense "But I'm not dating anyone right now and we're both cute!"

Now, my most recent people watching experiences have been granted to me by my very special little guy, Peter. I love to watch people without children interact with him. It is definitely a barometer of how ready they are to be a parent. This is especially true when Peter is cranky or crying. Example number one: the veiled withdrawal. No one has been blatant in shrinking away from my son, but I have definitely seen people who hide a look of fear and/or disgust on their faces when some of the grittier aspects of parenthood are seen (such as a crying baby, spitting up, changing diapers, etc.). Those people are definitely NOT ready to take the steps towards parenthood. You can see deep in their eyes that they can't understand why you have decided to change your life so much by bringing a baby into it. Example number two: those who love children and want to have them...but not yet. These people love to play with my little guy, and you can just feel that they want it at some point, but they are more than happy to hand him back to you. They might even still be a little afraid of some things like changing diapers or getting spit up on (but when you're a mom, it's different. Somehow, you don't care as much as you thought you would when you get peed on or spit up on by your child). But you sense that this group of people will brave the spit up when their time is right. I was a member of this group, myself, up until the age of 25. Example number three: those who are ready for and yearn to have babies. This is the most heartbreaking example to watch. Especially when they can't have babies yet (whether because they aren't married yet, they aren't dating someone seriously enough to lead to marriage, or even worse, because they are having trouble having babies). Again, I've been a member of this group too (from the age of 25 until I got pregnant at 29).

Gratefully, I was able to conceive easily. However, I have had a number of good friends who have had difficulties in that area and it just makes your heart ache to see them wait so long for something they want so much. I can understand how hard it is to wait for righteous desires. I didn't get married until I was 28, so I did have to go through the pain of being single for quite awhile. I'm not going to lie, it was hard. Some of the loneliest moments of my life came while I was single. I was engaged at 26 and my fiance got cold feet and broke it off. Being engaged and thinking about building a family and then having the rug pulled out from under my feet was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. In my darkest hours, I thought I would be single and childless forever. Peter came only a few months before I turned 30. Now, if you'd asked me earlier if I wanted to be having kids this late, I would have said no way. My mom had all of her kids by the time she was 28 (the same age I got married at). I definitely wanted to be done by this time. But the Lord had other plans in store for me.

Now, after having my sweet baby Peter, I can honestly tell you that this is what life is all about. So, to the first group of people who withdraw at the sight of my baby, I would tell you that you don't know what you're missing and you'd better shape up before you miss out. To the second group of people who want kids, but aren't ready yet, I would tell you to enjoy this time in your life, learn as much as you can and become the person you want to be so that you can be the best parent you can be. To the third group of people who want children, but can't have them yet, I would tell you to continue to have faith. I know that your righteous desires will be fulfilled in the Lord's time and when it happens, you will know why you had to wait and also that it was worth the wait. Even to those who are having trouble conceiving, I have seen miracles happen in the form of in vitro, conception when it was thought impossible, and adoption. So, don't give up hope.

I never knew I would get such a window into an individual's parental readiness through my own son. Human nature definitely is fascinating! And I sure love my little barometer!