Catching Up! October 2011

Okay, we're going to take a photo walk through the last few months since I've done such a bad job of blogging lately. One blog post for each month I've missed!

Here goes...

October:

Above: Enjoying the corn maze at Thanksgiving Point. Jonathan getting cuddled by his Papa.

Above: Peter enjoying a slide with his Mimi at the corn maze.

Above: Jonathan sure loves his daddy!

Above: Peter enjoying his tent in the living room (and a rare moment where he's actually wearing clothes at home!).

Above: Enjoying our Conference weekend tradition of pitching our tent towards the prophet (the TV as we watch Conference).

Above: Brothers having good times together.

Above: Peter reliving the days when his leg was broken. :) He's just pretending though. His legs were a-ok!

Above: This guy loves bath time!

Above: Peter going wild at Nammy's house. Pants make the best hats.

Above: Our second trip to the corn maze. Jeremiah couldn't go the first time because he had class that night, so we made another trip so we could enjoy it with daddy!

Above: Peter in a thoughtful moment while modeling his new BYU football jersey.

Above: Enjoying the couch fort that mom built while dad was in China for his school trip.

Above: Shhhhhh. Peter leading us on a covert outdoor excursion.

Above: Enjoying some nearly-in-the-buff playtime while daddy is at school.

Above: Just like his big brother, this guy loves technology. Every chance he gets, he'll make a break for the computer or remote control. But he knows better...he knows that's only a toy remote control and therefore, it doesn't hold the same allure for him.

Above: Peter happily wearing the backpack his Nammy bought for him. He's getting to be such a big boy!

Above: Jonathan feeding his daddy a scrumptious rattle.

Above: Peter operating on daddy to remove the rattle after it didn't agree with him.

Above: Carving pumpkins for Halloween.

Above: Our finished pumpkins. I've noticed that I tend to pull a really bug-eyed expression when I'm trying to get my boys to smile for pictures. :)

Above: Peter admiring his T-Rex tail.

Above: Jonathan isn't quite sure what he thinks of his triceratops costume.

Above: My two sweet Halloween dinosaurs. Jeremiah and I dressed up as paleontologists (with pith helmets and khaki's)...but it was kind of a crazy day and we weren't able to get a picture with all four of us...or even with me and Jeremiah at all. :)

Above: Peter excitedly waiting to go to the zoo for his first round of trick-or-treating.

Above: We went trick-or-treating at Hogle Zoo and even though it was packed (seriously, it was a zoo...ha ha! Get it?), the boys had a great time.

Above: Jonathan catching up on his sleep while Peter rides the zoo's carousel.

Above: Jonathan sharing his sweet smiles and showing off his brand new (very first) baby teeth while Peter plays on the zoo's playground.

Above: Yummy! These treats at Aunt Kim's party are the best...though the frosting did unintentionally make me look like Hitler.

Above: Lady Gaga...er Aunt Emily...cuddling sweet triceratops Jonathan at Aunt Kim's Halloween party.

Above: Uncle Clayton in his "puffy shirt." "But I don't want to be a pirate!"

Above: A couple of hippies; Nammy and Grandpa Niel.

Above: Peter...er Batman! I got him these pajamas in case he didn't want to wear his T-Rex costume (which is what happened last year when he refused to wear his pirate costume...but happily agreed to wear his pirate pajamas). Luckily for me, he loved both of them this year! He is, of course, shouting "Batman!" What a hero!

Above: Dino Pete with his cousins. They spent the actual Halloween evening (which was on a Monday) at Mimi and Papa's house just playing and greeting the trick-or-treaters who came to the door.

Above: Holy Halloween Hijinks, Batman! Dino Pete has transformed into Batman! He, Spiderman, and Cinderella, have teamed up to defeat the "bad guy" played by Mimi.

Above: Things got a little too rowdy with the other cousins for Jonathan's tastes, so I took him downstairs for a little mellow one-on-one time. What a cutie!

Well, and that was October! The condensed version! Coming soon to a blog near you, November!

Jonathan's 9 Month Appointment

I have a lot of catching up to do!

Jonathan's appointment was the week after Thanksgiving. He is doing very well! He weighed in at 23 lbs. 5 oz. and he is 31 inches long. If I remember the stats correctly, that puts him at 90th percentile for weight, 100th percentile for height (basically, off the charts--taller than all of the babies his age) and 50th percentile for head circumference.

Speaking of Jonathan's head...the helmet has been helping a lot and we should be able to take it off for good just a few days before Christmas. I'm so glad. I'm grateful for modern advancements in medicine and such that allow us to correct these kinds of things. But I'm also grateful that it is almost time for him to be done wearing it. We get a lot of comments from people (mostly well-meaning people...but some who are just curious or who don't know how to mind their own business). But honestly, some people ask such inappropriate things like "Did you drop him on his head?" And yes, they're serious.

Jonathan didn't have any shots scheduled, but he did have to get the second round of his flu shots, so that was sad.

My little guy has had some troubles with eczema lately, so we can only bathe him every 3 days...which is quite a trick because he gets soooo dirty every time he eats! And he eats three times a day! His eczema is getting better though, so that's definitely good.

My little guy has been teething up a storm. His two bottom teeth are completely out. And now his top four front teeth are coming out in full force too. His little teeth are so cute!

He also learned how to clap during the past week. He's such a cutie. He holds his little left hand still and then claps his right hand onto his left hand. He's a pretty happy-go-lucky kind of guy anyway. But now it's even easier to see when something makes him happy or amuses him because he will clap whenever he likes something or is happy. And the best is when he laughs and claps at the same time. It's very sweet.

On days where it's tough to be a mom, I have to hold to those kinds of moments. Those are the kinds of moments that make life worthwhile. It just warms your heart and makes you feel so happy.

Above: Oh yeah, and did I mention that he can climb stairs like a pro now? I have to watch him pretty closely!

Above: My Three Musketeers

Above: My handsome guys!

I Blame it on the Time Change

I'm going to start and end this post on a positive note!

The middle of the post contains some venting!

My boys have been pretty difficult today. I really think it is mostly because of the time change. I've kept them up a little later so that they would sleep later in the morning and get used to the new hours. But it has made them both super cranky.

Peter was such a handful today. Honestly, he was defiant the moment he got out of bed this morning. It didn't help that I stayed up late last night (I know, I know. I've got to stop doing that...but it's the only time I ever have to myself! So, it's hard to give up). I didn't feel tired and I wasn't lacking patience as a result of sleep deprivation. Honestly, what made today rough for me was that it was one of those days where I just wanted to do more things for myself--things that I personally wanted or needed to do. Does that make sense? Kids are pretty perceptive and I think it was pretty obvious to Peter that I wasn't really in the mood to play...I wanted to do other things. And I think that made him feel neglected and unimportant...which made him mad. This led to me feeling frustrated because when a kid is seeking attention, they often do it in maddening ways.

I folded the laundry and he kept walking over the laundry piles to mess them up. He yelled at Jonathan repeatedly even though he knows he isn't supposed to do that because #1, it scares Jonathan and makes him cry and #2, it's just not nice to yell at people! Peter was playing with a toy instrument/whistle thing. He was blowing it right in Jonathan's face. I asked him not to blow the whistle in Jonathan's ear...so what does he do? He puts the end of the whistle actually in Jonathan's ear and blows hard before I can get to him and stop it. I lost track of how many time-outs Peter had today.

The messiest act of defiance for today? Peter was hungry a little before lunch time and he asked for some yogurt. I have become really wary of yogurt with Peter. For some reason, he's really good with it for a day or two and then he just tries to make messes with it. I wasn't even planning on buying him yogurt, but he saw it in the grocery store and wanted it so badly and asked so sweetly that I thought I'd give it another try. He did really well this time around. He ate it and enjoyed it and didn't make messes with it...until today.

I got Peter his yogurt for a snack and then went into the other room to make him his actual lunch. While I was making his lunch, I quickly ate mine as well (it's just easier that way a lot of the time). When I returned to bring him his lunch, this is what I saw:

Above: What you see here is no remorse. He knows better and he knows that he shouldn't make messes like this. His hair was caked in yogurt, yogurt was spread all over the coffee table, Peter's body, and Jonathan's body.

Above: I took these two pictures because I knew that at some point I would find it funny...but I didn't particularly think it was funny at the time. It was also a way of providing proof of how crazy my days can be. This happened within 5-10 minutes. I can tell you that it took longer than 5 minutes to clean up!

Aye yai yai. I had to put both boys in the bath, of course. As soon as I got them both cleaned up and in diapers, I put Jonathan into his crib to keep him out of the way while I cleaned up and Peter got put in time out. When I initially put them in the bath, I could see Peter's mind working. He was thinking that it was pretty cool that making a mess like that got him the reward of some fun bath time. I didn't want him to feel like making messes earned him rewards, so bath time was really short and time out was a little longer than normal (basically because it took me longer than 3 minutes to clean up that mess!).

It was all pretty frustrating.

I just need to be patient. It's so hard. I can't tell you how hard it has been not to have a kitchen of my own over the past three years. My in-laws are very gracious and have offered their kitchen to me at any time I have needed it. But we are in the basement and the kitchen is on the floor above us. The floor that the kitchen is on is not baby proofed and my mother-in-law is a psychologist and often has clients upstairs, so I can't just bring my boys upstairs at any time. They would make too much noise and get into too many dangerous (or breakable) things. Now, when you see the mess my boys made when I was just around the corner within earshot, can you imagine what would happen if I went upstairs to make them breakfast or lunch every day? Yikes.

So, out of necessity, I have fashioned a makeshift mini kitchen in their garage/workroom/storage room (it's not a garage in the traditional sense because it doesn't house cars and doesn't even have an opening large enough for a car to drive through--just a regular door--but they call it the garage). In the garage, I have two mini-fridges and a microwave. I have a card table set up where I set my slow cooker, toaster oven, and sandwich maker. I have tupperwares with food in them because I don't have cupboards. I have to fill gallon jugs with water on a weekly basis because they only have soft water in the basement and it really isn't supposed to be drunk (children, and babies especially, are not supposed to drink soft water because of the salt in the water softener).

Because of Jeremiah's new job (which he started in July), we are finally able to start saving for a house. We estimate that we will be able to get into a house in late winter or early spring. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to having a place--and kitchen of my own. A kitchen that has an open view of the family room. A kitchen where my kids can eat...instead of eating in front of the TV everyday. A kitchen where I can watch my kids playing in the family room while I make their food and where I can avert these types of shenanigans before they go too far. A kitchen with water and a big fridge so I don't have to lug water from upstairs every week. I just hope and pray that such a dream isn't too far off. I can't tell you how many crazy financial setbacks have been thrown at us since Jeremiah started his new job. I'm grateful for his new job because we've been able to pay things off and stay out of debt, but it has made saving up difficult, that's for sure.

I just have to be patient and have faith. I have to remind myself that I won't be here forever and someday I will have a place of my own.

And I have to remind myself that I'm not the only one who has ever gone through this. Jeremiah has a picture of himself as a baby where he somehow climbed up and obtained a box of cornstarch and spilled that all over himself, the carpet, the tile, etc.

My grandma shared a story in her journal of how my dad--when he was a little less than two--got into a cupboard and spilled a brand new 5 lb. container of HONEY all over the cupboard, himself, and the kitchen. Can you imagine what a pain 5 lbs. of honey would be to clean up? Even a teaspoon of honey is a sticky yucky mess to clean! Poor grandma!

My mom tells legendary stories about me and my brother, Clayton. We got into all sorts of scrapes. We opened and spilled a huge bag of dried beans from our food storage once upon a time. According to my mom, she found stray beans for months afterwards. We shook the flock (the white stuff they put on Christmas trees to make it look like it was a snow-covered tree--it was popular in the 60's through 80's) off of our Christmas tree while we were being babysat--driving our poor babysitter to tears. I still have a vague memory of a blonde teenage girl in tears with flock sticking to her eyelashes. And she may not have even been blonde! Maybe her hair was covered in flock and my memories have turned her hair white blonde as a result!

The most infamous story is what happened one time when my Dad was babysitting me and my brother. My mom had to go to something for church. She told my Dad that she had made tacos for dinner and all of the taco fixings were on the counter so that he could assemble his own tacos and then put them away. My Dad ate his dinner and then settled down to watch a BYU game--neglecting to put the taco stuff away. He isn't really like this anymore, but back in the day, if a BYU game was on, nothing else in the world existed. He didn't really pay attention to what we were doing. All he knew is that we weren't crying or fighting, so we must be okay, right? But it's the silence that is the dead give away. Kids get quiet...really quiet...when they do something that they know they shouldn't do. So, while my Dad lay on the ground in front of the TV watching the BYU game, Clayton and I removed the cushions from the couch and decided to assemble our own taco bar inside the couch. We had our fun with the taco fixings and then lost interest and moved on to other things. It was awhile before my Dad discovered what we had done (after all, BYU games are pretty long)...but when he did discover it, you can imagine that he was none too pleased.

Kids are the best thing in the world. But they are also soooo much work! I love my boys with all of my heart. But why can't they always just play like this:

Or like this:

Or like this:

Or like this:

I guess that's the key to sanity as a mother. You have to focus on the good times. I took this picture just last night. Peter and Jonathan were having so much fun together. Jonathan and Peter were both laughing and laughing. They were so happy...and I was so happy.

And I guess that's another key to averting disasters such as the yogurt fiasco...as a mother, you have to be selfless. It's something I'm learning, but I still have so much more to learn. Like many other things in life, it's a constant battle. You have to try every day to think of others more than yourself and to give your all to your little family. You really have to put your kids before yourself. You have to remind yourself (and it's so hard sometimes) that if your kids really, really need the attention, the laundry can wait...and the things you want to do personally for yourself can wait too (just don't stay up too late after they go to bed to get those things done!). And it's all about the timing. There are many times when Peter is blissfully playing with his toys or engrossed in a kids' show and he could care less if I'm folding laundry or not. He doesn't require (or want) me to play with him all the time. But today, he needed it and I thought of my wants more than his...which only brought about disaster for all of us!

I finally got it figured out by the evening. We all had dinner and things settled down. I got on the ground and played with my boys...and they weren't cranky anymore. They were happy. We had good times and it was a great night.

Life has so many lessons to teach...and I still have so many lessons to learn!

Pete Anecdotes

Here are two cute stories of Peter mimicking his mommy.

One More Minute!

Peter is the kind of guy who does NOT like surprises. I had to learn that the hard way. But, if you get him a heads up, he is a lot more amiable. This is particularly helpful when it comes to preparing to go to and leave places. It also comes in handy for nap and bed times. It goes something like this: "Peter, we have to leave Nammy's house and go home in 20 minutes." "Peter, it's time to leave in 10 minutes." "Five more minutes and we have to go." "One more minute!"

So, if I don't warn Peter ahead of time, it goes something like this: "Peter, we have to go now." Answered by "Noooooo!" (and more screaming) But if I do the countdown, after the "one more minute" warning, Peter will sometimes even start to gather his things and head out to the car on his own.

The other day, we were playing and Peter saw a roll of tin foil. He was very curious about it and I told him that I would show him something cool. When I was a little girl, I used to play Cinderella (pretty much all the time). I would use pieces of tin foil to make "glass slippers" for myself by molding the tin foil to my feet. So, I told Peter I would make him some shoes out of the foil. He was excited about this. He thought the shoes were fun...but he wanted to see what else I could make for him. I ended up making him a hat, gloves, a ring...and finally, a watch.

When I put the watch on him, he immediately assumed a very authoritative expression and while looking at me and pointing at his watch, he said "One more mimute! One more mimute!"

Above: My first version of the watch. I didn't have enough foil. The next version was a much more manly watch.


Above: Striking a manly pose. I swear, I can't keep that guy dressed inside. If he goes anywhere else, he's happy to put clothes on, but as soon as we get home, he decides it's time to get comfortable and he peels those clothes right off.


Above: "Five more mimutes!" "One more mimute!"

Darn that Phone!

I have a love-hate relationship with the telephone. I appreciate it and it is definitely useful. But I always seem to get calls at the absolute worst times (when I'm putting kids down for naps, when I've finally gotten kids down for naps and it wakes them up, when I'm going to the bathroom, when I've just settled down to take it easy and the phone is clear across the room, etc.).

Well, my Mom got Peter a cell phone toy awhile back. It's a pretty cool cell phone. After you've played with it and you close it, it will automatically ring again--like you've just gotten another phone call.

So, Peter picked up the phone and pretended to have a conversation. Then, he hung up...only to have the phone ring again moments later. His response? "Oh man!" He disgustedly answered the phone again, had another pretend conversation, and hung up...only to have the phone ring again. His response? "Oh no!" He again reluctantly answered the phone, had another unwanted pretend conversation and hung up. This repeated a few times (all the while I was chuckling to myself). Finally, I could tell that he had enough, so I answered the "phone" for him and firmly told the "caller" that Peter was tired and couldn't take any calls at this time. Peter then sighed in relief.

I guess my response to the phone has rubbed off on him a little, don't you think?

Ha ha! I sure love that guy and these two things made me very happy.

Above: Peter on a day where he felt a little happier about talking on the phone. He was talking to his Nammy, and of course, that always makes for a good thing.

Happy Anniversary to Me...

Okay, I'm not going to lie. This is not going to be a happy, uplifting post.

Today has pretty much been the worst day ever and the worst anniversary (let's hope I don't have one worse than this, otherwise I might run away from home).

I need to vent. So, if you don't want to hear venting, don't read this blog. This is mostly for me. I need to get everything off my chest.

Jeremiah is actually in China on a trip for his MBA program. A trip prior to graduation is mandatory for all grad students at Westminster. Jeremiah had two options: he could have taken a trip to Brazil in March...but Jonathan would have only been a month old; or he could have taken this trip to China, therefore missing our anniversary. Initially, we planned that Jeremiah would go in the spring and just get it over with. He wanted to go to Brazil more than China anyway. And then, Jeremiah started thinking about how much work a newborn is...and then Peter broke his leg...and he just thought that it would be easier to go on the China trip in the fall. In fact, he didn't even realize that the trip fell on our anniversary anyway. I was the one who told him that. What is it with guys and remembering dates? However, as soon as I told him that he would be gone on our anniversary, he was very sweet and considered getting special permission to opt out of the mandatory trip. I told him not to do that, but just to go. I told him that it didn't matter that he would be gone on our anniversary. And I really meant that (still do, as a matter of fact).

Well, this last semester of Jeremiah's school has been hard. He had another intense semester like this one, but this one has definitely been rough. He is gone about 4 nights a week in addition to having a Saturday study group. So, pretty much, I have felt like a single mom...only I'm married...and living with my in-laws...and having to cook for everyone (get dinner ready by 5 p.m. on the off-chance that Jeremiah will make it home in time to eat and visit for 20 minutes before heading off to school again). The boys have hardly seen Jeremiah...and when he has been home, he's had a ton of homework.

I've been exhausted. It's a lot of work to do it all by yourself.

Jeremiah's school kept him busy right up until he had to leave for China. So, he left on his trip last Thursday morning and the only contact we've had are brief (20 minutes max at a time) skype calls. The skype connections aren't that great. It freezes a lot and the video gets delayed, so it's honestly kind of a pain. It's good to see him and talk to him, but I don't know exactly when he'll try to contact us, so I'm kind of at the mercy of his schedule. I feel like a teenager waiting by the phone for someone to call her for a date...only there's a lot more inconvenience involved because staying by the computer when you have little ones is not the easiest thing in the world. I have also sent Jeremiah some emails, which he briefly responded to, but that's it.

I talked to Jeremiah yesterday. It was October 18th in China and I said "Aren't you going to wish me a happy anniversary?" He said "Why? It's not the 18th for you. I'll wish you a happy anniversary tomorrow."

Well, it's too bad he didn't take the opportunity then. It might have made me feel a little better in the long run. But how could either of us have known what kind of day I was going to have?

When I was putting Jonathan to bed last night, I was talking to Jonathan and I mentioned something about Daddy...and I just got the most horrible feeling. This pit in my stomach. I figured it was nothing, but when I put Jonathan to bed, and later when I put Peter to bed, and finally when I went to bed myself, I said three separate prayers asking specifically for Jeremiah's safety and safe return home to us. I sent Jeremiah an email and asked him to just send me a quick email letting me know that everything was alright.

I didn't hear anything from him.

I mostly knew that it was nothing and that Jeremiah was fine, but at the same time, you can't stop your mind from thinking horrible things. At the time I got the feeling, Jeremiah would have been on a tour bus. I couldn't help imagining a horrible bus crash and instant widowhood. I hate that I have such a rampant imagination, but I also can't help it. I imagined what in the world I would do and how I would feel if I lost my husband. I'd be devastated. I would never remarry (I mean...what's the point? I would be sealed to Jeremiah in the temple, so why would I want to built a life with someone else?). I'd have to go back to work, but I could never earn much. I'd probably have to go and live at my Dad's house and put my kids in daycare (which would break my heart...but honestly after the day we all had today, many might wonder if that was the better option for my kids). I imagined having to explain to Peter that his daddy was gone...

All sorts of horrible thoughts.

As you can imagine, I didn't sleep well. During my on-and-off sleepless night, I checked my email hoping for a response from Jeremiah...nothing.

Because I stayed up too late and got a crappy night's sleep (Jonathan slept poorly too...so what sleep I did have was interrupted further), when I woke up I just knew it was going to be one of those days. Perhaps it was because I woke up to the sweet sounds of Peter screaming angrily over his monitor to be gotten out of bed. I immediately wished that it was already time to put the kids to bed for the night. It would have been better for all of us if we could have just gone back to bed.

Everyone woke up cranky. I don't know if the boys could sense my bad mood or if they were coincidentally in bad moods of their own, but everyone was unhappy.

I had to go to the grocery store because I was almost out of formula for Jonathan...so there was no choice in the matter. Going to the grocery store with two kids is no picnic, let me tell you. Avoid it at all costs, if you can. Only do it if it is absolutely necessary...as it was in my case.

Peter is the pickiest eater ever...so he didn't eat much breakfast. You know that it is a bad idea to go grocery shopping when you're hungry. Well, it is an even WORSE idea to go grocery shopping with a cranky, hungry toddler.

Besides that, Peter is going through such a disobedient phase. He's really testing his independence and it takes a lot of patience for me to deal with him. Patience was in low supply today, unfortunately.

As soon as we entered the grocery store, a well-meaning man asked how Jonathan had hurt his head (because of the helmet he was wearing). I had to explain to him about the conditions surrounding the helmet and that Jonathan had developed a flat spot on his head when his skull was still quite soft. The whole story in condensed form...blah, blah, blah. That's one of the hard things about going into public with Jonathan. I swear half the people out there think I am dropping my children on their heads or leaving them unattended so that they have opportunities to hurt themselves. Sigh.

Anyway, I wheeled Peter around in one of those truck grocery carts (he was in the cab of the truck below the cart) and Jonathan was in the Baby Bjorn (he's getting so heavy--22 lbs--I won't be able to carry him in that too much longer and then I don't know what I'll do...at least he can sit up now so I can have him sit in the top of the cart up front if I need to...but I'm putting that off until it's absolutely necessary.). When we were checking out, Peter grabbed something like 5 or 6 pieces of candy from the candy rack. I HATE how they put all of that candy right at eye-level for kids who are in those truck carts. Besides that, it's within their reach and they can grab it all. Then those carts are huge and unwieldy so you can't get around them to block your child from the candy. I unloaded the cart and kept 2 pieces of candy that Peter had grabbed and sneakily tried to return the remaining 3 or 4 pieces. Peter didn't see that I had kept some candy for him--he only saw me returning candy to the shelves and he had a HUGE tantrum. He screamed and cried at the top of his lungs (and for those who know Peter, you will know that he is loud). I tried to reason with him and explain that I still kept some of the candy, but honestly, I don't think he could hear a word I said over his own screaming. I realized that nothing I could say or do at that point would do any good, so I had to just listen to him scream the entire way back to the car (as did everyone else in the store and parking lot) and most of the ride home.

Of course, by this point, Jonathan was again exhausted and hungry and in need of a nap. So, that complicated things.

I got the boys home, somehow got Peter calmed down, put Jonathan to bed, and put the groceries away.

My mom had sent me a message asking me to call her. We had planned to spend some time with her that evening so the boys could have an outing. It turned out that she had caught a cold and couldn't get together with us. I felt bad because she probably caught the cold from my boys when we visited her on Sunday. I wasn't surprised by her cancellation though. I kind of figured something like that would have happened. It was just my luck for the day. But I also figured that it might be for the best because I probably just needed to keep things mellow and low-stress that evening.

By that point, it was time for lunch. Doesn't it just feel so non-stop? Feeding, cleaning up after meals, baths, diaper-changing, naps, etc. And then it all starts over again.

After lunch, Peter wanted a bath, so I gave him one. The other day, he had wanted to take a bath with some non-bath toys, but I had averted it at the time and hidden those toys. However, after he got out of the bath, he found those particular toys and demanded ANOTHER bath. I was about to say no, but honestly, I couldn't handle another tantrum from him. He had just been so whiny, screamy, and disobedient all day long and I didn't have the energy for another battle.

Meanwhile Jonathan woke up from his nap and was hungry again, so I fed him while I kept an eye on Peter. Jonathan became covered in goo from his finger foods and baby spit (a combination which is a strong enough glue to be used as mortar...seriously, you could build a house and use the mixture of baby spit and graham crackers as cement), so when Peter was ready to get out of the tub, Jonathan had to get in. Then, after lunch, it was time to get both boys ready for their afternoon naps.

In the meantime, I had checked my email and skype repeatedly for any word from Jeremiah. Nothing. It's a scary feeling to know that you can't get in touch with someone when you want or need to. Until our kids are grown, I'm not going to be cool with another out-of-the-country trip unless that means I can call him at any time of the day or night and actually reach him. I mean, what if there was an emergency--on either end? What would we do? It's a very helpless feeling.

Getting Peter down for a nap when he doesn't want to go is no easy thing. He has honestly been such a beast today. I don't know what put him in that mood...because he isn't usually like this. He honestly has very few bad days. But his bad days are VERY bad days. It can be so hard.

In order to get him to bed, I was being so patient and sweet with him (which was taking a lot of effort with the day I had been having). Over and over, I suggested all of his favorite things that usually lure him into his bedroom in preparation for going to sleep. He still refused. He kept mentioning other things he wanted to do (in a loud and angry tone). After about 10 minutes of trying to put him in a good mood and convince him that it was time to happily take a nap, he continued to angrily refuse. It was time to put my foot down. I finally told him that no, it was nap time. I told him it was time to go into his room for a nap but to put a positive spin on it, I emphasized that we could still read a few books and I would carry him in to his room (he loves that), he angrily screamed at me at the top of his lungs (repeatedly) and I finally lost it and spanked him. I felt awful...and I also felt out of control, so I had to put him in his room for a few minutes (I put Jonathan separately in his crib so that I could be alone) while I regained my composure and calmed down. He just makes me sooooo mad sometimes. He takes so much patience and he is so hard to teach. His willful disobedience lately has been particularly difficult for me to handle. I hate that he wants to test the boundaries all the time and that he'll do bad things on purpose to see what my reaction will be. I wish he could just trust me and obey me.

But I was also incredibly frustrated with myself. Time-outs are the method of discipline that I use and they have been very successful. Why couldn't I have stopped myself from spanking him and simply put him in time out? Being a mom is so hard sometimes and it's hard not to beat yourself up about certain things.

I calmed down and went back into Peter's room. After a few more battles, I finally got Peter down for his nap and then took a nap with Jonathan. I was exhausted and probably needed the nap more than anyone.

Well, Peter woke up screaming at the top of his lungs at around 3 p.m. (not a long enough nap for him). I debated my possibilities. I could give Peter a few minutes and hope that he would go back to sleep, or I could sneak out and take care of him while Jonathan continued to sleep (this possibility made me feel very weary). The other complication was that Peter was screaming so loudly over his monitor that I wondered how I could follow either plan and keep Jonathan asleep. Well, here's what happened: Peter did go back to sleep...but I took too long to figure out what to do and his screaming woke Jonathan up, so our nap time was over. I honestly felt like crying. I just wasn't emotionally or physically ready to face the day again. Besides that, Tuesdays are one of my nights to cook for my in-laws, so I had to do that too and I sooooooo didn't want to cook tonight.

There's no place for Jonathan to play upstairs while I cook, so I put him in the Baby Bjorn and cooked dinner with him attached to me. Not easy. Luckily, I was able to finish making dinner before Peter woke up (it was a casserole that I popped into the oven--it finished cooking at about 5 p.m.--about 10 minutes after Peter woke up).

The night was better. Everyone was in a better mood. Peter even ate dinner (not a common occurrence for my picky eater). Naps really do work wonders. The drawback was that I still hadn't heard from Jeremiah. I checked his itinerary and apparently, he had to leave the hotel very early in the morning to travel to another city, followed by a business visit, followed by sight-seeing before he was to check into the hotel. So, I figured that if I heard from him at all, it wouldn't be until tomorrow morning.

Now, I don't have high expectations for things like Valentine's Day or anniversaries. Jeremiah knows this--we made a joint decision not to make a huge deal of these kinds of events. It's just impossible to schedule romance, you know? You can schedule "together time," but expecting one day to be "everything" is just too much. So, I definitely wasn't expecting much for our 4th anniversary today--especially because Jeremiah was out of the country. But, I had hoped for a simple "I love you, Happy Anniversary, oh, and by the way, your fears were unfounded and I'm not dead. I'm a-ok!" That's all I really wanted. Was it too much to ask?

Since I hadn't heard from him at all, I was starting to feel super cranky...and resentful. The other day, I finally read his trip itinerary. It is so cushy! I can't believe that it is a mandatory trip! At least the trip was covered by his tuition, but we still had to pay $500 for his visa to China. And I couldn't help but feel a little jealous when I read that over the course of about 11 days, he only has three business visits lavishly cushioned in-between days and days of amazing sight-seeing opportunities. He gets to see Hong Kong, go to the Great Wall, go to Tian-an-men Square and the Forbidden City, visit a pearl factory, a jade factory, and a silk factory, has many hours set aside for self-guided sight-seeing and shopping, visit the olympic stadium, see a Chinese acrobatic show, see a laser show, ride on a ferry for a fancy night dinner trip, ride bikes on the Ancient City Wall, see the Terra Cotta Warriors museum, visit Shanghai, and go to fun museums and beautiful gardens.

Let me clearly explain: I am not resentful that Jeremiah gets to go on this trip. I'm happy that he gets to go and experience these things. He works really hard to provide for us and he deserves a break. Would I like to go myself? Yes. But not now...the boys are too little and I would worry about them the entire time I was gone, so the trip wouldn't be much fun for me. Do I need some kind of a break though? You bet. But for the most part, I'm just bugged that the trip is mandatory! Seriously? It's a glorified senior trip, that's what it is. It's an excuse to party and celebrate the completion of a master's degree (which, granted, is a lot to celebrate). But, call it what it is. It has nothing to do with becoming aware of our world market or our global economy. It shouldn't be mandatory. What a load of crap.

Meanwhile, I am at home taking care of two sick and cranky boys and I haven't even had the time to do my own hair or make-up in days. Only two people even remembered it was my anniversary (my mom and sister). Then I got a load of sass all day long from my son, Peter. I was starting to think that it might be better for Jeremiah's sake if he had died because it might be the only way for him to be granted clemency.

But the evening was a little better. The boys were in better moods. We watched a movie (Stuart Little) that I bought at the grocery store. Peter had never seen it before, so the newness of it kept him enthralled, happy, and controlled.

But bedtime is always rough. I put Jonathan to bed around 7:30 p.m. because he was super cranky. He is transitioning from taking an evening nap--which means that he often has to go to bed earlier than his 8 p.m. bedtime because he is simply too tired to stay awake any longer. I tried to put him down for a nap earlier, but he wouldn't do it. No such luck.

While I was preparing Peter for bed, he was initially sweet, but then became super sassy to me. I started to lose patience again and I knew that it was going to be a rough time getting him to bed. Right when I realized that, I should have gone into another room to have a few minutes to myself and prepare myself for the battle to come. However, I didn't. I told him that I was very tired and that we could read one book but that we needed to say our prayers first. He has been so irreverent during prayers lately and I am having a really hard time teaching him to be respectful. Lately, he just likes to mumble gibberish the entire time I am praying (at the top of his lungs, of course, so that I, myself, can barely hear what I'm saying. So, I'm sure Peter can't hear me. At least the Lord can hear me!). It is so frustrating. I reminded him that we need to be reverent when we talk to our Heavenly Father and not talk when other people are talking--and especially when other people are praying. He looked at me with a mischievous and defiant expression, but he remained silent. So, I started to pray and he immediately started to mumble at full volume in a mocking tone. I just lost it. The whole day came rushing in on me and I couldn't handle it anymore. I clapped my hand over his mouth and in a very mean and angry voice said "we don't talk during prayers!" I then lost it for the second time that day and spanked him again. I don't agree with spanking--especially with Peter. I try so hard to be patient with him, but he can be so maddening. So, in one day, I doubled my spanking record. I have now spanked Peter a total of 4 times. Sigh. What a lovely example I am setting. What a testimony builder for both of us, right? And what a "mommy dearest" moment. I can't tell you how horrible it makes you feel to lose your patience so quickly like that. You really start to wonder what is wrong with you that you couldn't control yourself more.

I left the room where I immediately collapsed and burst into tears, saying to myself out loud "What is wrong with me?!". I felt awful, ashamed, and disappointed in myself. I just don't understand how someone you can love so much can make you soooo angry at the same time. I quickly prayed to the Lord for forgiveness and then I immediately returned to the bedroom where my crying and very much frightened Peter was sitting in bed. I hugged him and while crying (pretty much sobbing) I told him repeatedly how sorry I was and how awful I felt.

I then said a prayer for both of us and read The Three Little Pigs to him while I continued to unsuccessfully fight back my tears. It was the worst rendition of The Three Little Pigs ever. When I finally got out of the room, I again burst into tears.

I checked my phone, which was beeping. Jeremiah had borrowed someone else's phone to wish me a happy anniversary and to say that he loved me. It just made me burst into tears again. It was nice and reassuring to hear from him (not to mention a relief)--and I definitely felt his love for me through that short text and those simple words. But the day had been so bad and after losing my patience with Peter, I just felt like an awful person. This has been an absolutely horrible day. In Jeremiah's defense, he couldn't contact me earlier than that because he was on a train for half of the day (without internet), then he didn't check into his hotel until later in the evening. I know it wasn't intentional on his part. He probably just didn't really think about his itinerary until he was in the thick of it and realized that he had no way to contact me until it was too late to do anything about it sooner.

So, after a good cry, I decided I needed a good venting. Hence this post.

Well, this probably won't make any sense, but after writing this all out and getting it off my chest, I feel better. Even though I have exposed my human failings and frailties and you will all probably think I'm a horrible person! If you think I'm a horrible person, this is my response to you: You have never had to raise Peter David Washburn. He is the most loveable, amazing, sweet, funny, fun-loving, exciting, high-spirited kid in the world and it brings me great joy to raise him...but he can also be the most exasperating and sassy little guy too. It takes a lot of hard work and patience to raise that guy.

What a day.

Happy-Go-Lucky Jonathan

Above: I love life and I love my binky!

Above: Hi! I'm happy to be alive!

I just love Jonathan so much. He is such a sweetheart. He is full of happiness and always looks on the bright side of life.

Over a month ago, he had his six month well-visit. It went quite well. He is a BIG boy! He weighed in at 20 lbs. (he's probably even heavier than that now!) and he measured about 29 1/2 inches long. We had to get him a new carseat because the height requirement for the infant carseat was 30 inches. That carseat had lasted Peter a year. It only made it six months for my tall Jonathan! And Peter's not short either! Peter was always in the 85th percentile for height--until he was about 18 months and then he spiked to the 95th percentile (where he has stayed). Jonathan is off the charts. 100th+ percentile for height. So, basically, he is taller than over 100% of the babies out there! I sure love my gentle giant.

Above: My tall, sweet guy!

Peter was always so super happy at the doctor's office...until he got his shots (which was always an unpleasant surprise and quite a shock to him). Jonathan is a little more aware of what is going on. He is very reticent, careful, and guarded at the doctor's. He looks at everyone with a suspicious and watchful eye. For such a smiley, happy guy, he definitely doesn't smile much at his doctor's visits. When he got his shots this time (as well as the past two times) he let out the saddest, most heartbreaking, pained cry ever. I teared up while I held him. I hate having my babies get shots. Babies cry like their hearts are breaking and they are feeling intense pain after shots. I hate it! I know that it is helpful for them and that it is a necessity...but it still makes me so sad.

Above: Sweet, sad, chubby baby legs after four shots.

Above: Flashing the sweet smiles that are absent at the doctor's office.

The other sad (though not serious) news is that Jonathan has a very mild case of plagiocephaly. Basically, what that means is that he has developed a flat spot on his head. When babies are really little, their skulls have separate plates that have not fused yet. He developed a preference for laying on his left side and as a result, he got a flat spot on the left side of his head. I noticed it shortly before his two month appointment. It was weird because I literally didn't notice it one day and then I noticed it the next day. I'm sure it happened gradually, but it snuck up on me and it was there before I could do anything about it!

At Jonathan's two month appointment, my doctor advised me to keep him from laying on his left side and then we could see how he looked at his four month visit. At his four month visit, I thought Jonathan's head looked a ton better, but my pediatrician still advised me to go to a physical therapist. I met with the physical therapist shortly before Jonathan's six month appointment (I would have gone sooner, but things were wild in the interim. I got a kidney infection, among other things happening and the last thing I felt up to doing or wanted to do was go to another doctor! Doesn't it stink that when you are miserably sick and want nothing but to stay home and cuddle up in bed, that is when you have to get up, get dressed, and go out so that you can see a doctor?).

Luckily, the physical therapist said that Jonathan's muscles were totally fine. Some babies develop torticollis along with plagiocephaly. That means that because a baby develops a preference for laying on a certain side of their head, their muscles develop weaknesses--so one side of the neck and/or back becomes stronger than the other side which becomes too weak. Thank goodness Jonathan didn't develop torticollis. However, his plagiocephaly (though a very mild case) was enough that he had to get a helmet.

I'm not going to lie. The news that Jonathan had to get a helmet made me really sad. I had looked online and the information I found said that most insurance plans don't cover helmets and that they can cost up to $4,000. In addition to that, the helmets have to be worn for 23 hours a day for anywhere from 3-6 months (or even longer). My heart dropped when I read this. However, after doing a little research by calling the Utah companies that produce helmets, I discovered that it would only cost $2,000 tops (still a lot of money, but a whole lot better than $4,000!).

So, long story short, Jonathan is now wearing a helmet. Our insurance covered a little, so we ended up paying around $1,400 (that was for the helmet and the physical therapy appointment). We are hoping that sometime around Christmas he won't have to wear it anymore. It makes me sad not to be able to rub my cheek on the top of his soft, warm head. And I am sad that I can't kiss the bridge of his nose right between his eyes while he is wearing his helmet.

But he still looks super cute. His helmet makes his super sweet chubby cheeks look even chubbier. So pinch-able. He looks like he is starring in an all-baby version of the movie "Tron."

Above: Jonathan Washburn starring in "Tron 3: Baby's Day Out"

He really hasn't had too much of a problem wearing it. He's so good natured and he hasn't put up a fuss. He's such a good sport. We had to take it off and get it refitted because it was a little too tight and it was rubbing the skin by his ear and over his eyebrows so that it was getting raw and making the skin peel. But now it is fitting just right. It still makes him feel itchy when it's off. So, we've been lotioning his head--otherwise he scratches and scratches it the whole time the helmet is off. Poor guy. Put he scratches with a smile! I hope it works and that it works quickly. But the flat spot on his head is so mild that if the helmet doesn't improve it very much, it's not something that will be noticeable to others. So that's comforting.

The hard thing for me is taking him places and having people stare at him. We've gotten a lot of questions--mostly from well-meaning people who are either curious or concerned for him. But I've gotten some downright snotty looks from some elementary school aged children. I've also gotten some judging and lingering looks from some old biddies. I took Pete and Jonathan to the zoo about a week ago and there were some field trips going on. A lot of kids and adults gave Jonathan some rudely inquisitive stares that day.

It made me feel so defensive. All I wanted to do was protect Jonathan. I also wanted to lash out at those kids and tell them off. I felt like a mama bear protecting her cub.

Above: This little cub it definitely worth protecting!

The experience also made me feel so grateful for the many people who have "been there, done that" and have shared their experiences with me. I met a girl at the park whose daughter had to wear a helmet. They hadn't seen much improvement from it. I wouldn't have noticed anything about the shape of her daughter's head if I hadn't known. Her daughter was lovely. She also mentioned that she had a friend whose son had to wear one and he had seen great improvement. One lady at the zoo told me that her nephew currently had to wear a helmet. Later, a little girl chimed in with "Mommy! Look! That baby has to wear a helmet just like I did when I was a baby." Her mom then went on to explain to the other kids in her group (she was a field trip parent chaperone) about helmets and why some babies had to wear them. I was so grateful to that mother for explaining it so kindly. I also met a mother at Thanksgiving Point whose daughter had to wear a helmet for three months too. Again, I was so grateful for her story and for her understanding of my situation.

This experience makes me feel so much for those mothers of and children who have lifelong disabilities. How must those mothers feel when people stare at their children? How do they restrain themselves when there are people who are genuinely rude and mean to their child? How do those children feel? I'm grateful that Jonathan is too young to feel the stares of overly curious people. He just smiles at everyone when his eyes meet theirs. It makes my heart go out to them.

It also makes me feel how important it is for me to share my experience in the future with others who will go through it. I know that it really strengthens me to know that others have been through it and that everything has worked out fine for them and will for me too.

And then there's my sweet, sweet Jonathan. He takes it all in stride. He just smiles and enjoys the world around him. What a sweetheart! I sure love him!



Above: Isn't life great?


Above: Flat head shlmat head! My head is super cute!

Above: I love to wake up!