To Listen, or Not to Listen

A few months back, we went to the dentist. We went to our old dentist despite the fact that he wasn't fully covered by our dental plan (seriously, isn't that the dumbest thing? If it is a dentist, they should be covered by dental insurance. If it is a doctor, they should be covered by all health insurance plans).

The boys had no cavities, but it had been awhile since Jeremiah and I had gone, and we both had cavities. The result was a nearly $400 bill. I called and set up a monthly payment plan. However, the communication, paperwork, or records at their dentist's office must not be that great because I had to call a couple of times to confirm that we had set up a payment plan to have late fees waived, etc. On the final payment, a very harsh note and a sticker were placed on our bill warning us that this was the last bill that would be sent and if it wasn't paid in full, we would be sent to collections. I was quite angry about this. As mentioned before, I had been in full communication with their office, with the assurance that a payment plan was completely acceptable.

I couldn't wait to call and pay that last bill and then give them a piece of my mind.

Before I called, a quiet thought came to my mind. "Do not be angry with the person you talk with on the phone."

Well, when I made the call, I very calmly paid my remaining balance. Then, I went into my spiel. I told the receptionist, "When I called originally, I set up a payment plan which I was told was completely acceptable. However, I had this note written on my final bill with a warning sticker placed on it. I am not sure where the disconnect occurred. Whether it was that you don't really accept payment plans or..." The receptionist gently and apologetically interrupted me. "I'm sorry. The girl who is in charge of our billing is on maternity leave. She knows who has set up payment plans and who hasn't. We have been doing our best while she has been gone. When a certain number of bills have been sent, a message comes up on our computer screens to place those stickers on them."

Again, I heard, "Do not be angry with her."

However, my "righteous" indignation over my situation and my "right" to have my side heard took over. I said, "I had set up a payment plan and I was honestly making my monthly payment. To have a sticker put on my bill threatening to send me to collections is insulting. All things considered, please don't make any reminder calls about further dental appointments. We will need to find another dentist who is covered by our insurance." The receptionist very meekly, politely, and with great composure said, "All right. I will do that. Thank you."

Then we ended our call...and I felt a pit in my stomach. I hadn't been completely angry with her...but I had been blunt and even harsh in my wording and my tone. I felt like a terrible person. Did they have lousy communication and a terrible record/bookkeeping/billing system at their office? Yes. Did she deserve to get the brunt of it? No.

I meekly called back about five minutes after our call had ended. I said, "Hello. I called a few minutes ago and complained about a bill I had received. I would like to apologize. You did not deserve to get the brunt of that, and I should not have talked to you that way. I am sorry." She, in a very surprised, gracious, and friendly voice said, "Thank you. I have processed your final payment, and I have archived the records of you and your family since you won't be our patients anymore." I said, "Thank you. It is just too far to travel from our home since we moved. Especially since it isn't covered by our dental insurance. I appreciate that. Again, I'm sorry. I didn't want to put a damper on your day."

Why, oh why didn't I listen to the spirit when I was given those warnings? How much better would it have been if I had paid my bill and then simply said, "Because of the distance and the fact that our dental insurance doesn't cover your office, we will have to find another dentist."

Was the warning for her sake, for mine, or for both our sakes? I think it was probably for both our sakes. Though she would have gotten over it a lot faster than I would have. Disregarding that prompting wounded my spirit that morning. I felt a little better after I apologized...but I was so disappointed in myself. I never used to respond with anger that way. My husband gets angry quite quickly...I think a little of that has rubbed off on me. He would be the first one to agree with me on that.

I have never been a shrinking violet. However, I was assertive when necessary...but never angry or aggressive.

It was a lesson for me to, in a way, return to my old self...but not only that, to improve upon my old self. To remember that, at heart, I am a Blue/White personality who is motivated by relationships and keeping the peace. I need to work harder to respond with love and charity.

So many lessons to learn! The most important being that it is always better to listen than not to.