After much praying, fasting, and studying, I discovered that there was actually a blood test that I could take that would help me determine what my ovarian reserve was. I was getting to the point where I was wondering if it was even actually possible for me to have another baby. I took the blood test and when the results came back, things didn't look good. So, in order to put it into perspective, a result of a 0.5 would mean that it was undetectable or non-existent (meaning I had very few eggs left). My score came back as a 0.79...which was on the very low end of the "low normal" range. After studying up on that result a bit, I discovered that as a result of that, I wouldn't be considered as a good candidate for in vitro. Nor did it look good for me to get pregnant on my own. My doctor suggested clomid. Jeremiah and I felt strongly that we were supposed to have at least one more baby, so I agreed to take clomid. After studying up on that, it didn't look like that would really do much to help my cause either because my numbers were so low, but we decided to go for it and put it in the Lord's hands.
It was an odd place to be in. I felt like I had to keep two doors open at the same time. On the one hand (the first door), there was the possibility that I would actually get pregnant and we would expand our family. On the other hand (the second door), there was the very real possibility that I was simply done having babies and that our family was what it was and that we wouldn't have any more family members joining us. I really did put it in the Lord's hands. I had to be prepared for and at peace for both outcomes, because honestly, it could go either way. Do you know what? I really was at peace. I felt really good about what we had decided to do and that it was in the Lord's hands.
However, while I was keeping both doors open, I truly was leaning more towards the possibility that we were done and that perhaps the strong feelings that I had had about us having at least one more baby were more that I had misunderstood and that it pertained to the baby we had lost through our first miscarriage. I truly do feel that that baby belongs to our family and will join us again one day.
So, I dutifully took the first round of clomid. I told Jeremiah that I would take a pregnancy test the day after my period was due to start if I hadn't started already. Well, I woke up kind of in the middle of the night early that morning because I had to go to the bathroom...and then I remembered at the last minute that I needed to take a pregnancy test. So, I took it. I remember sitting there and reading a magazine with my glasses off and I just kind of glanced at the pregnancy test. I was absolutely positive that it would be a negative result and that I wasn't pregnant...but what I saw definitely surprised me. I was indeed pregnant. I moved my eyes closer to the pregnancy test because I didn't have my contacts or glasses on and it was so blurry that I was second guessing what I had seen...but yup, there it was, plain as day, two lines on the pregnancy test indicating that I was pregnant. I put the test in a prominent place so Jeremiah could see it...and then I went back to bed. However, I really couldn't sleep, so I went downstairs to exercise without disturbing anyone (it was a Saturday morning).
Half-way through exercising, I burst into tears. I was so overcome with fear that I would have another miscarriage. I had planned for two doors/two possibilities...but now the possibility occurred to me that there was a door number three...that I could get pregnant, but lose the baby again. I exercised through my tears, all the while praying in my heart. Then I went upstairs. Jeremiah had woken up and found the pregnancy test and was really excited, but he could sense my concern. So, after a prayer of his own, he gave me a priesthood blessing. He blessed me that everything would be alright and that we would have a healthy baby. It brought me a lot of comfort and peace to hear that. Being so close to the situation, I still had my fears...but I felt so much better after that blessing.
So, the next day, I called my doctor and he prescribed me some progesterone pills to help me hold onto the baby and avoid another miscarriage.
Since I am so behind on my blogging, this story has the benefit of hindsight. I am now five months pregnant and we have already had our 18 week ultrasound and the baby is doing great.
I am just in awe at how many prayers the Lord answered for us--and in such a short period of time. Yes, we had to wait a long time for those answers, but He answered. I quit my job, we refinanced the house and freed up a lot of financial burden that way, Jeremiah got a raise at his job, and I got pregnant after about a year and a half of trying. It was a truly humbling experience and I couldn't help but feel the Lord's love for me and my family.
Above: The progesterone pills I had to take.
Above: I kept these well hidden because I thought they looked too much like candy!
And we are most excited to welcome another Washburn. :)
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